Hey Fattie

This is my first night back in Central City, and if you can't tell, I can't sleep. God Dammit.

On my way here from OKC, I gave a friend of mine from law school who lives in a town right on my way a ride back. He doesn't have a car, and I am fortunate to, so I figured I could handle having somebody to talk to while driving, even if I had to talk to his fucked up shit.

He too has decided to do some dieting, although unlike me, he really doesn't need to drop that much weight. Anyway, we were discussing dieting and the tactics towards losing weight. We stopped at Sonic to eat. He orders a grilled wrap without dressing, and fatass here orders fried popcorn chicken and tots. What the hell am I doing? I guess I can say that was one of my last "fattie" meals I hope to have in the next two years. I need to start now.

Since I wrote about this last, I have been careful about what I ate, but I didn't pay enough attention. I didn't exercise because of finals, but that shouldn't be an excuse. Hopefully over the break I will be able to buckle down and get into the habit of my new lifestyle. I have plans of going to the fitness center here in Central City everyday, and eating healthier foods.

For the most part, being fat is so easy. You eat what you want. You don't exercise. You really have few cares when it comes down to what you do to your body. It's also easy because it is convenient. Instead of getting up at 7am to exercise, you get to sleep 'til 9am. Instead of grilling a chicken breast and waiting 30 minutes, you go buy two double cheeseburgers and a large fry. But because of that carefreeness, you suffer some consequences. You endure the comments from the little kids who don't "know any better" (yet they are just being honest...they actually are doing what is right, rather than what is "socially right"), the shocked looks from the people interviewing you for a job (and avoiding hiring you), and blank stares from the people interviewing you to be their husband (and avoiding doing you). You worry about your pants being too tight, about your fatass breaking the chair your are sitting in, and about taking up half of a backseat of a car when you only should be taking up a third of it.

It's time to start worrying about what I put into my mouth and what I do with my body so I don't have worry about being being judged because I am a slob.

It's going to have to become a new lifestyle. It has to be. I can't drop 150 lbs. and then quit doing what I was doing. Yeah, I may be able to eat more things, but if I don't stick to the changes, I'm going to grow back to be the fattie I am now, or never even reach my goal. It's simply a whole new lifestyle. There will be bumps along the way. Their will be peaks and valleys. But in the end, it will not matter. 150.

This is it.

For those of you reading this, today is the first day of the rest of my life.

I truly and sincerely hope that is true.

I am extremely overweight. It's time to get rid of that weight. It's unhealthy, it's expensive, and it is unsightly to me and to you. I have set a lofty lofty goal for myself. I want to lose 150 pounds over the next two years. Yeah, that's right. One hundred and fifty pounds. It is possible, and even if I lose that much, there will still be a substantial part of me.

For those of you who get uncomfortable about talking about weight issues, you maybe shouldn't stay here too long. I'm probably going to be really hard on myself at times and say things about myself that could make you feel uncomfortable. Please don't respond and tell me the things I'm saying aren't true. I'm going to use this space to motivate myself and therapize myself. If you have motivating words to say, or want to give funny reactions, or if you want to cuss me out, go ahead. Just don't tell me the things I'm saying are mean to myself. I know they are.

I've always been a big person, but I've been fat since I was a 6th grader. I whopped on a bunch of pounds then because I used food to make myself feel better after we moved to Central City--a move I did not want to make. I grew into my body as time moved on and was still fat, but fairly decent looking until 11th grade. Then I had a terrible year with a football coach and again used food as a way to cope. I whopped on substantial amounts of weight again. I stayed about that weight through school since I was active in sports, but once that was over, it creeped up higher and higher. I'm now at my high (low, really) point, and it is time to make a change.

It is time to start over.

It was really easy putting the weight on. It's going to be a monumental challenge taking it off. This will be the Mount Everest of my life. It's time to prepare and focus on this goal.

I will succeed.