it's been two months...

...and I am still going. I'm maintaining my weight loss. I'm at about 30 pounds down, depending on the day. I fluctuate anywhere from 25 to 35 down. The best news is that I have now broken the 30 pound weight loss barrier.

Still, I have not began a regular exercise plan. I really need to, but I am happy with what I have accomplished just by carefully monitoring my diet. I really need to focus on this. This will be the next step in reaching my goal. I think it will become more of a reality now that I will have a normal life.

My weight has caused me to suffer from some minor health problems already. It has made me spend more money on clothes and food. It has made me struggle with confidence in myself (although I still am pretty confident). It makes me sweat and feel pretty gross about myself. It's time, and I am still going. I might be moving a little slower than what I had hoped, but I am still working and my goal of 150lbs down in two years is still are reality.

Right now, I'll set another lofty goal for myself: 50 pounds by September 1. If I reach this goal, I'll be down 80 pounds. That means I'll only have to lose 70lbs in 16 months for me to reach my goal of 150lbs down in two years.

What being fat means to me.

It means:
-I am very prone to break chairs and other furniture.
-I have to worry about traveling in airplanes--will I fit in the seat? will the seatbelt fit?.
-I don't even think about going on amusement park rides.
-I get hot, when it is 70 degrees.
-I sweat profusely when I get hot.
-I sometimes have to order clothes online.
-I have to spend more on clothes usually.
-I don't take off my shirt because my body is gross, so I don't swim or go hot tubbing.
-I have to pay a lot for groceries.
-I know people stare at me and can't believe it.

These are just some of the things that being fat means to mean. I don't know why I have put up with this shit for so long. I am ready for this change.

Off the Wagon

So, I'm off the wagon. I have been almost this whole week. I've been eating healthy foods, just large quantities of them. I don't know what caused this, but if I had to guess, I would suppose it would be the stress of the brief being due and the going home and all that. Who knows.

If I want to be successful, I need to quit this. I can. I will.

On a more positive note, a year ago, when I had not become committed to become a healthier and better person, I would have been completely gone off the wagon. I would have been eating McDonald's and ordering pizza. I was tempted to this weekend. I had acutually picked out what pizza I was going to order, but I resisted. I didn't want to mess this up. Although it seems like a small sacrifice, it really was a huge step toward succeeding at my goal. I'm not going to be deterred. And if I am going to binge, it's going to be on healthy food. That has to be better.

Tomorrow, I start exercising. I'm going to go to the gym, or I am simply going to walk. It all depends on when I wake up. But I am going to do it. That is the most important thing, and it should help things out.

150 pounds is still my goal. I can really do this. I've reached a pothole in the road, but I refuse to let it become a cliff that I just jump off of. I'm going to keep going. It will get me a tattoo, but it will also get me a better life. I can picture it now and I am excited.

Almost like a roller coaster

After Steve's party and the Super Bowl, I whopped on about 5-10 pounds. I ate everything I saw. This week, I have been pretty good and making sure I stay right at my points, and as of this morning, I had lost 15 pounds, for a total of 25 pounds from when I started. This is progress.

Once I get done with my brief and get back from Omaha, I'm going to really focus on an exercise program. This will be the best medicine to curing my disease.

On a side note, I think if I get into good shape, I'm going to get a tattoo. I don't know what of or where, but I think I'm going to get one. Why? I don't know. I just never have done something like that before, and if I am living a new life, maybe I can do that too. That's probably about a year away, so I might change my mind. Who the hell knows...

Thanks for everyone's support and keep filling me full of ideas.

New Problem

I've gotten really used to Weight Watchers. I really like the program. I have a problem though. I'm giving myself too many "cheat" days. I splurged for Steve's suprise party, I will splurge tomorrow for the Super Bowl, and I splurged last weekend for the High Ideals weekend and the great hotel breakfast buffet. It's messed up. I bust my butt all day trying to be good and then ruin it with one meal. I need to quit doing that. If I'm going to be successful, I have to be on this diet 24/7 (with maybe a cheat day every once in a while rather than every weekend).

Well Crap

Well Crap...
I gained two pounds this week. Before I left to help out on the High Ideals Weekend, I was down three--and then I went a little overboard. I ate a lot of breakfast at the buffet. Eggs, hasbrowns, sausage, and bacon were a favorite of mine--both days. Not only that, but I enjoyed some pizza and some barbeque. Thank God I only gained two pounds total during the week.

The next step towards my success is coming up with an exercise plan. I like to exercise. I really do. I just need to get into the habit of it. That's the hardest part. Making it a habit. I guess I make it a habit to log everything I eat on weightwatchers.com, so I should be able to make exercise a habit.

It would be nice to be another 15 pounds down in time for Barrister's Ball (aka Law Prom). My suit would fit a little better than what it is now. I'll have to focus on that in the mean time.

The worst part of dieting is the cost of food. Eating healthy is pricey. My grandma knows this fact, and to help me out, she sent me $200. My grandpa and her are awesome. That is going to help me out so much, especially considering how tight money is now.

On that note, this isn't 100% weight related, but it is. Money is tight. My credit card debt is kicking my butt, and so is the possibility of flying home to watch my brother wrestle at state. Couple that in with my new diet, and my funds are low. Therefore, I'm not going out a lot. So if you think I am being antisocial, I'm not. I'm just being fiscally responsible and living healthfully.

I'm Tired

This is more like I expected. I lost two pounds last week, and that includes eating some hamburgers after the GRE and going to Hooters earlier in the week and eating some wings. Two pounds a week equals 100 pounds in a year. Very doable.

I'm tired of being fat. People look at you funny because they have a reason to, it's not healthy, it's expensive buying food and clothes, and frankly, it's embarassing. Frankly, that is my motivation for doing this. I want to get a little more respect, I want to be healthy, I want to save money, and I want to be proud of who I am, inside and out. I know that people should respect you, regardless of what you look like. But how do you respect somebody talking about self-control when they weigh over 300 pounds. You don't. When I reach my goal, I will be taking a step that could possibly improve and lengthen my life (if I don't die from an accident or something before then!). I'm excited for that. I really do enjoy life and the capabilities I have as a living human being. I want to make sure I stick around as long as God allows me. I really feel right now he is giving me the strength to do this.

To God, and everyone else out there who is supporting me during this time. Thanks. It's great and it's good that we can talk about it. It's just like quitting smoking, except I'm just quitting overeating.

Weigh-in Day

So Monday is the day that Weight Watchers has me weigh-in each week. Since it is Monday, I obliged, got naked, and stepped on the scale. I then stepped off again and got back on. It said the same thing. I had lost 18 pounds in one week. 18 Freakinig Pounds!

I am proud of myself, and I barely feel like that I am on a diet. I eat when I want, I just have to eat healthy if I want to eat a lot. Now, I have to admit this. I was sick for a few days with my infected tooth, so I sure that total was aided by having a fever and not being as hungry as usual. But even as I have felt better after getting some drugs, it has easy to stay on track. I don't expect to lose that much this week, but I know that I can continue to lose. That is what is great.

I'm pumped. Only 132 pounds to go until I reach the summit and conquer my personal Mount Everest. I can do it.

The Beginning

So, tomorrow is the last day of my glutony. I've been preparing for this. I had big plans to work-out a bunch over the break, but my lazy butt didn't get to it. But, I just spent money on three months of Weight Watchers, so I know I'm going to follow that stuff hopefully, since I spent some cash on it and start to walk 5 times per week.

Weight Watchers is kind of cool. You keep track of what you eat online, and they add up a total of points. You are allowed so many points per day, and if you stay at that value or below, you are supposed to lose weight. Also, there are a billion recipes online, and they also give you ideas for things. The hardest part about changing lifestyles is that law school makes it kind of hard with my stress level, business, and laziness all combined. I never really feel like cooking. But with Weight Watchers, I don't always have to cook crazy meals, and now that I have a crockpot, I can cook before class and have a nice meal waiting for me when I get home.

My Wal-Mart list is long, and it is going to be costly. But I would rather spend the money now then be sick and paying doctor's bills when I am 40.

I set my goal for 150 pounds in two years. I am still stuck on that goal. But I feel like I can do better than that. Two years from my start date, January 1, 2007, will be January 1, 2009. At that time, I want to be 150 pounds lighter. After that, I will reevaluate where I am and hopefully lose another 25-50 pounds. Wow.

This is a weird thought from me, but I think about how not only will I have to change what I eat, but also how I act. I have always been hurt by my fatness, but I have also used it to my advantage. Everybody loves a good fat joke, and I'm not denying I'm fat. I always got a good laugh from my self-deprication...I'm going to have to find something else to try to be funny about, which is hard because I am a nerd.

I also kind of feel weird doing this blog. How many of you really care? I mean, I know you do, and you probably want to see me lose the weight, but in the grand scheme of the things, is it really that important? It is. A skinnier me is a happier me, a wealthier me, a healthier me, and a prettier me.

Besides being much healthier, the second greastest benefit of losing all this weight is that I won't sweat as much. Being warm runs in my family, but not being as warm as I am. Sweating is embarassing, especially because everyone can see it. Hopefully if I shed the insulation, I will sweat less and be less gross.

I'm really random, and if that bugs you, too bad. I'm still fat and can use that to kick your ass. Just kidding. I'm ready for this. I can do this.

It's a whole big giant circle, and my quest to my goal is beginning.

Now is the time.